So it’s been three weeks since the return to work
and no, I’m not counting down, just stating a fact.
Uhm, the days melded to some degree,
the week ended faster than I expected and I wasn’t angry once.
It’s kind of strange, knowing my typical persona.
I was talking to a friend of mine, telling them how
me not being angry or sad or depressed or shit is scary to me.
It’s like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
But the thing is, it’s not like I’m maniacally happy all of a sudden,
it’s just little things about me that have evolved.
Her response was the funniest thing on the planet though,
cause she goes: “So! Be freaking happy for once and shut the eff up
about other shoe dropping cuz nigga you wear size 11,
if it drop pon yuh head ya dead. Damn big foot gyal!”
I laughed so hard at that and it was the truest expression I had felt in years.
Another thing that happened this week was the ultimate realization
that I am in love with myself and how I feel when I realize that my coyness
is a mirrored expression of my pen touching paper and staining.
Anyway, my sisters inspire me!
Like so freaking much its sappy and gooey and disgusting. Lol.
Nothing spectacular happened today
other than the acceptance of being grounded in myself.
Uhm, I don’t know, it feels like there’s a storm brewing around me
everyone wants something and everyone requires attention
and it unnerves me in the sense of being open and real.
But I guess I countered those doubts after realizing that
just because you realize something now,
doesn’t mean it wasn’t always there.
Awareness of a situation doesn’t mean changing your reaction to it.
By now, I was tired beyond belief.
Insomnia has my best friend forever since forever
and, I don’t even know if she’s sexy or hot,
cause the damn chick only shows up at night
when the lights are off to taunt me. 😂😂😂
Within my tired state, persons and situations
tired to take advantage of me and maybe my responses were
cold, but I don’t think so and I’ll repeat what I said…
“I refuse to accept responsibilities that are not mine.”
It was said once to each individual in each situation
with a straight face, as polite a voice I could find
and an air of aloofness that even I didn’t know I possessed.
Damn day was long as hell.
There was laughter to soothe though. Immense bouts of it
and I was contented just being.
Ad hoc queries checking up on me,
swift glances of uncertainty from strangers who think I am incomplete.
Rain. Lots of rain.
And I swear Babylon only descends on my city when it rains,
pissing off taxi men, private vehicles and every passerby.
Meetings with no longer strangers. Locks alike.
Conversation easy. Motivation natural.
Smiles to die for. Chaste contact.
Heart eyes (maybe only on my part! Lol)
Fanny packs and once overs that revealed
I don’t know what yet.
Do you realize we were both in white? 😂😂😂
Jimny. That’s what I call you for the sake of this
typed revelation and seeming recollection.
Phone dies. Home is a sweet respite.
Pillows waiting to encase me and caress me,
to rejuvenate me after a week long work trod.
Be Kind and Share…