Pressure Rising

160/100
132 beats per minute.

It wasn’t a rush
an uncomfortable ache better describes it
a dizzy fall
blackened eyesight
dangerous sways and glassy eyes
cold sweat
the shakes.

…this how drug addicts relapse
The thought flashes temporarily
through my already foggy brain space
and I sit head down, breathing hard,
ignoring the tightening in my arm and chest.

I cried today.
Silent tears staining my face, running and rushing and blinding. Hot, wet, abundant.

I cried today.
I haven’t in awhile and it scared me, not because I fear emotions, but because the reason behind the action was a tumbling, bumbling bunch of confusion.

I cried today.
It was the best release I experienced in ages and I figured the stares in the taxi were welcome for I could feel and I was still real and human and hurting and aching and welcoming the pain;
for it meant I still cared.

I cried today.
Washing my eyes of the images society placed there. Cleansing my lungs as I stifled moans that tried to rush forth. My heart was racing. My blood was soaring and plummeting in my veins. Warning me. Screaming at me. I was crying and I was free.

I needed to cry today it seems.
That instantaneous relief was both blessing and curse. Onlookers probably thought me crazy. Brain probably wanted to kill me. But my heart, it understood and it allowed me to do what I never would’ve lucidly.

I cried today and I am thankful, for I am alive.

Be Kind and Share…