I remember being in the fifth grade and “falling in love” for the first time. Yes, I know that was pretty young. I was after all just nine years old, had skinned knees, talked back to teachers and got into fights for no reason. Grade five was the good ole’ damn days yes. Young. Carefree. Brash. Bold. Ridiculously awesome. Innocent? Ehhh.
So yeah, back to my “love story.”
We met at a church camp (clichéd right?) and there was nothing godly about my thoughts at the time, because all I wanted to do was kiss your stupid face when I saw you. I don’t know what that says about my nine year old self, but oh well.
I was an angry kid. Lashed out at the world because I could, because I was made to feel less, because so much was expected of me; the paradox of the situation was tumultuous. That during that phase of my life you made me laugh was just unseen. We sat and chatted for hours. They slipped by us like *insert awesome simile here* and I remember thinking yes, this is nice, this is weird, this is pretty cool, let’s do this forever; cookies and all.
I remember you wiping tears away from my eyes because I didn’t get my way. I was a brat about it too, just to have you sitting beside me in the dark of a dorm room that I still don’t know how you were allowed into. What did you say? How did you charm? The church folk? To allow such fornication by their standards of boys being in girl’s dorm rooms? Good job.
I remember going home at the end of the camp and we talked endlessly on the phone. We fell apart eventually though, because we were kids and didn’t know how to keep a “relationship” going.
I remember us reconnecting over time in passing, and that initial thought of kissing your stupid face would plague me. Ehhh. To think to this day that thought never came to fruition, makes it one of those things that wasn’t meant to be I guess. Ehhh.
I’m no longer a nine year old— skinned knees have healed, I am now the teacher getting talked back to and fighting doesn’t interest me much anymore. The good ole’ damn days have evolved yes. Young. Responsible. Calm. Wary. Ridiculously laid-back. Definitely not innocent! Ehhh.
Three down, forty-nine to go…